desire

A while ago i was talking to my mother when suddenly i wanted to tell her something but i could not AGAIN for the nth time. So i started crying again. Whenever i can't say something to someone or i can't let it out even if it's just saying that you need to get this or just to ask something, no matter how shallow the thing is. If i don't get to say it.. I CRY. It is like an outlet, i don't know and the number of times that i cry goes exactly into my heart forming that sadness that would turn into dreams. Sometimes i feel bad for myself. If i were on the shoes of others and i know someone like ME , i swear my heart will die for that person. I just want to sleep in that cold tiny apartment with my quiet and goofy boy next door who does NOT go clubbing and listen to dugshh dugshh music and we will watch our ball games on late night tv while pigging out on pizza and ice cream and discussing work. GAY!