Dreams and dreaming

This guy i know said he's gonna marry me and i should wait for him. His reason was so funny but i would not tell you. He said "getting" that "reason" is like a dream come true for him. So yeah i am associated with his "dream" and i find that really odd because dream is one of my favorite words and i highly use that when i think of all the things that would fulfill my whole existence. It's also so cute how men think highly of that "reason" like him. Now atleast i think he's interesting. Hahah i want to talk to him 1.) about dreams and dreaming and 2.) for him to feed my ego again haha.

crash and lost..

Today, my heart struggled again.

I could not concentrate the whole day, the thought kept playing on my mind and behind it was all the preparations i would do, to again offcourse, get rid of it. To take it away and just move on without it killing me. There will be next year but damn..shit okay i don't want to talk about it. Okay maybe tomorrow or next week.

To save the day, my dad and i had a movie marathon. We watched crash and that i swear is an excellent film. Definitely worthy of that oscar win. I cried somewhere in the movie. That's getting redundant in this journal..i know! It talks about discrimination, love and its simplicity. And you would not meet anyone who's as sensitive as i am when it comes to races, discriminations, prejudice and shit. I don't know but i have this thing for you know unity with all the different people in the world. I mean mexicans (you're expecting this i know but this is a different story, no filthyness:P), arabs, persians and blacks. I love issues about them. Like i always find beauty in them whenever i encounter one. Not pimping myself ha but really i am the least closest thing to racists! i swear i used to dislike pakistani's and stuff when i was younger but now, i sort of had this openness to them and i always find something beautiful or atleast positive from them. Like i always root for the iraqi or the israeli. It is so weird and don't even ask me about blacks. I once had a thought that i am really black trapped in a pacific islander's body. Maybe it's exposure na rin like one of my best friends right now is persian and indians as well, they're really amazing. Basta it's weird kasi people lalo na the community that i grew up with from my highschool and stuff, when they hear middle east people, they cringe or basta iba yung reaction when you say french, british or americans. Pero sa aken ngayon they're all the same.

I also had a LOST overdose. I SWEAR THAT SHOW IS LOVE. Everybody's been pimping that show and i thought it was overrated lang seeing it finally from the start and as in complete.. it's love, i swear. I finished three discs as in 9 episodes from 5pm to 12am, just now. and yeah yeah..SAWYER IS SEX but JACK HAS THIS WEIRD EFFECT ON ME..hahah siguro nga..women dig doctors..talaga..haha pero guess who my favorite character is so far? as in hindi ko ineexpect.. hahah you're right OMG I LOVE SAYID! My first emotional experience with LOST so far was his story. As in his nadia and being an iraqi republican guard. That choosing over love and duty always gets me and i do not know why. I had a nostalgic moment while watching his sepia ladden love story. While watching, this thought of a man shouting "I will find you" to the woman he's about to leave and with no assurance that they're gonna see each other again kept playing in my head. I've seen it somewhere movie or what basta lagi pumapasok sa isip ko yan scene na yun. Not clear kung sino basta man and woman tapos yun yung sinasabi. SHit i am such a sap. I can't wait to continue.

LOST HOTTIES

but i love Sayid's story.

movies, tv whoreness and salinger

My favorite films. Haha i loved because they're really good, some had this weird effect on me ever since, and most of them made me cry and yes even the supposed comedy ones. If you haven't seen a lot in my list, GO SEE THEM NOW! hahah no seriously i think they are all worth 2 hours of your time. :P

http://www.hotfreelayouts.com/movies.php


Speaking of films...

The da vinci code was a disappointment..well yeah it was boring..a lot of dragging parts..maybe because i've read the book and it's so much better than the movie in terms of excitement and stuff but yeah maybe because i've read it that's why it did not have that much effect.. i love Audrey Tatou though! i love that woman!

I also bought the first season of LOST. Ok watch my couch potatoness take over! marathon! i'm buying the whole set of sex and the city, arrested development, house, oc, desperate housewives and grey's anatomy. HAHAH money! I wanted to see all these but they don't show it here and i have no time to catch up with their scheds. I AM SUCH FILM/TV WHORE! hahah it's good. Exercises my brain and entertainment galore offcourse.

Chapter 27

This is the upcoming film about John Lennon's killer , Mark chapman which will be played by Jared leto. The film also includes Lindsay Lohan as the friend of the killer. Chapter 27? yes very much related to one of my favorite books of all time, the catcher in the rye by my badass idol writer J.D Salinger. The book has 26 chapters and so 27 as the continuation of it because according to the filmmakers..Chapman was in a "holden caulfield" state of mind when he murdered Lennon and he was carrying the book when it happened? which also resulted into the book being banned in the U.S. hahah it's cute but holden is nice, he is no killer. i crush that boy so much.

How come that book is always associated with darkness, suicide, depression, psychological disorder, chaos and killing? it's a coming of age story of a 16 year old boy who's sick and tired of this world. Sounds familiar huh? yes we all have this "holden" moments. I remember reading that book for the first time and i was so owned and shit, i thought i was reading my thoughts. I swear it's like i wrote that book. The angst and the craziness haha me and holden should meet someday i swear. A friend once told me that happy and "square" people should not read that book because they will find it odd and horrible. Hahah my love for that piece of art is beyond description! I swear happy and "Square" people depresses me. I swear. They really do.

Do you know Elizabeth Wurtzel? she is a badass gifted writer from harvard and she wrote prozac nation. I wanna meet her!

"It was never my intention to.......................you."

We often hear people say this when they're trying to explain/point things out and even defend themselves but i really think it's not right. Like when you did a bad thing and you're saying sorry to that person saying "It was never my intention to hurt you, i just blah blah" i still think you don't need to be saved just because "it was not your intention". The fact that you DID IT. If it wasn't in your freakin interest, you would not do it at all and you did so don't give that "it wasn't my intention" crap because it's stupid and sick. As to what shane from s12 said:

"It's not your intentions, it is your ACTIONS. Because if it's only for intentions then i would have been the president of the united states."

If you do a certain thing and have hurt someone and you tell him/her that it was not your intention? Then WTF is? the fact that you acted that way and you did it. If it's not your intention then why did you do it? i mean like if you really think this person has a hissy attitude and should change it then you go on and stab him/her behind the back by telling people around about it then it becomes really bad that everybody is hating on him/her because of you and you tell that person it's because you want him/her to change, that it's for the better, that it was not your intention to be that way. Fucckk that. I mean you can always have "that" good intention in changing her but DO IT IN A RIGHT WAY. There's a choice! we all do.

Well what i am trying to say here is if you did a bad thing, don't ever tell that crappy "it was not my intention to" line because it contradicts you. Just admit that you did it and say sorry don't tell that crappy line anymore. and if you're reading this and i told you that line before and if ever i tell that line again, call my attention because i really hate it.

basketball and a retard

"There's not going to be one fan in (American Airlines Center) that doesn't believe that we can kick (the Spurs') butt all the way back to that ugly-ass, muddy-watered thing they call a River Walk."

that is ladies and gentlemen a statement from a retard billionaire right here in my left. Marc Cuban, the owner of the amazing dallas mavericks bashing San antonio texas and the beautiful river walk. and what do you think normal sensible people would reply to this?

"You want me to react and say something mean about Mr. Cuban's highly intelligent, incisive comments?" Popovich said.

"After one margarita, I don't know what's in the river. Maybe he should come down and have one and he could look at life a little more maturely."

"I've celebrated on the River Walk in front of 300,000 people for the Spurs' first championship," Johnson (Avery) said. "I'm very fond of it. I like the River Walk. That's where my owner and I disagree."

and how about bashing one of the greatest players who've ever played the game..

"I love Michael Finley," Cuban said, "but maybe the crybaby from Tim Duncan wore off on him."

"I have nothing to say to Mark Cuban," Duncan said. "Not a thing."

Okay so he loathes Tim Duncan for being the adversity that he cannot overcome. It's good that he's the owner of an NBA team and he is hands on and he's always present but i swear that man needs some shag or whatever will shake him up. I swear he looks like a troubled kid trapped in a old flabby retards body...and i would really like the mavs more if it wasn't for this man and the river walk is beautiful.

Where's that ugly ass thing? seriously it's okay for me to see the mavs win this one but i cannot imagine this man getting a ring. I swear. No way. What would come out on his mouth if he gets one? he'd say the darnest things in the world. Hahah.

All three remaining series tied 3-3 and will have a do or die game 7. I think the game 6 win of detroit and san antonio was a birthday present for me but they will both lose in the last and most important game. Yeah i think so. I don't think i can watch it. It will break my heart and seeing Timmy....ok you know i adore the man so i'll stop now.

happy birthday to me

I find it weird that i've been in a major hiatus lately and i'm quite happy comfortable with it. People have been keeping in touch with me lately and something inside me is dictating that i should sod them off and not even give a hint that i'm still alive. Well i don't know but i don't feel like talking to people lately. I mean i love people and talking but i think i got a hang of it that i only talk to those that i want to talk to. I've considered myself "friendly" and sociable my whole life i mean somehow like i talk to anyone and i'm always trying to be comfortable with them and i don't know what's been happening to me lately. Like a lot are texting me and trying to know what's up but i never bother to give them even a damn hey and it's really weird that i'm comfortable with it and at the same time i'm writing a damn entry about it. I guess i'm tired. I am sick and tired of all of you! haha just kidding. I don't know, some people i don't really want to talk to at ALL because they give pain in my heart and some i really admire and miss for the longest time but i still do not talk to them. I have this habit of sacrificing things in the long run to feel better at the present moment. and i hate it that i'm too damn lasy to even work by butt off to do things. I am so lazy and i hate it but i guess that's something in me that i cannot take away at all. The fact that i want to feel good, be inspired and feel happy all the time that i forget to do my responsibilities and all the other things that i should do like talk to people when they want to talk to you because you should! I don't know forgive me but i am having a time digesting all the things in the world right now and you know my stupid self is naturally there to absorb everything from its heart. God i always use my feelings to deal with things and a lot of times i get so dumb and weak to even face them and take risks so i always play safe because i'm too afraid to BREAK and lose. Yes my nineteen years of experience have been nothing but trying to protect my heart from breaking that i do not take risks at all. Just don't go for it. Walk away. Don't do it. I've been living with that my whole life and i don't know how when it's gonna stop.

I don't want to talk to a lot of people lately and especially those who i've been with in the past 6 years. I am sick and tired of most of them. Honestly, i'm trying to find this certain genuineness in people in which i think i've seen only in one or two persons out of the millions i've talked to in highschool and college. I don't know but

Yes and it's weird that when i'm with friends and a lot of people, I feel MORE alone that when i am really alone. Maybe it's just me but i'm sorry i'm sick and tired of it. God it's so strange that even right at this moment, yes right now that i'm writing this abnormality of mine, i can still manage to smile and joke around with it. I SWEAR I AM HORRIBLE AND I NEED A FUCKIN REVAMP. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

losing

SO THE SPURS ARE GONNA LOSE.

Got it. Accepted.
So i know they will not win 3 straight games against dallas. The mavs are up 3-1 in the series and the spurs won today by a point and it's 3-2 now and i'm telling you it's gonna be the spurs last win this season. The mavs are damn good. They are for real. I've been so at ease and comfortable with the spurs winning that everything that is happening to them right now IS SO WEIRD..i mean being down in a playoff series and barely winning a game..playing bad defense.. it's just so not real..

A lot of my friends are MAVS FAN and i'm sorry for being immature and rude guys, it's just that it's frustrating on my part being a spurs fan since Duncan wore that jersey number 21 in there.. so i got this statement from a mavs fan and reading it made me realize THEM i mean being a dallas maverick fan and what they are going through right now.

"As a Mavs fan it's so satisying to be up 3-1 against the Spurs. It's just that much sweeter than it would be to be up 3-1 against any other team.And that's because to me and all the other true Mavs fans, the Spurs are the gold standard. The team in which every other team is measured by. The team that we have strived to emulate. For years, the Spurs would play with us, but it was always a big brother/little brother type of thing. Where the Spurs would go "Ah, you guys are so cute, you play tough, you're gonna be good, but now it's time to turn it on" and they would kill us. Now, it's like the little brother has grown up and is finally able to play with the big brother and make it a challenge. That's the reason it's so satisfying."

Very well said.

Made me realize how rude i've been to them. Hahah it's just how it is. Just like what they said, you win some you lose some. And i'm happy for them what they're experiencing, very good team. THEY WANT IT SO BAD. you can see it in their eyes. Haaaay.

Goodbye spurs and detroit. There's still next year. I love you still timmy and sheed.

and speaking about losing... ELLIOTT YAMIN WAS VOTED OFF AMERICAN IDOL! :((

Oh i don't wanna talk about it, he's the best male vocalist ever. Gotta love the attitude of that man. He's amazing. He's really an american idol.

yes i watch too much tv, i know.

School

School is almost done.
My first integrated marketing communication subject turned out well. It was good. I loved how the class ended. We did a good presentation and learned that i will get an insentive of a plus .25 in my final grade for having a perfect attendance (hahah paid off!) and took pictures with our prof and the class. It was cute, umm the moment.

Math? i had a long ass entry about that day when i felt so alive and my emotions were all going everywhere. I'll never forget that day ever.

Almost done. I DID MY BEST IN BOTH. I swear i deserved a lot from that. I swear to God i do.

I SWEAR IF THE SPURS LOSE THIS SERIES.. I AM GONNA CRY. I SWEAR IT WILL KILL ME. COME ON YOU GUYS ARE THE DEFENDING CHAMPS AND YOU FINISHED THIS SEASON ON TOP AND YOU'RE JUST GONNA END UP BEING BANGED BY THE 8TH SEEDED KINGS? THESE DAMN KINGS ARE SOO DAMN GOOD. I FREAKIN UNDERESTIMATED THEM. YEAH SCREW ME. I DON'T HATE THEM. I ACTUALLY LIKE THEM. BUT THEY'RE UP AGAINST MY BOYS. FUKC I SWEAR I AM SO NOT LIKING THIS.

COME ON WORK WORK WORK!

I love you guys to death but come on! i want my old spurs back! i want my defending champs back! i want my TIM DUNCAN! Anobah Manu, Artest is killing you big time anubah kaya yan! Haay it is still 2-2 but I AM SO SCARED! i swear an upset is very likely. It is actually 50/50 right now and i hate it. I AM USED TO BEING COMFORTABLE WITH THE SPURS ON TOP. Hope hope. Come on guys, just play spurs basketball!

and...

BOO LAKERS! I SWEAR BLAH KOBE BRYANT YUCK I HATE YOU! The suns fan must be feeling really really gloomy right now. These damn lakers are freakin good. KOBE IS SO GOOD, I WANT TO KILL HIM. I swear i thought my lakers hate has ended ever since shaq went out that damn team but shit they are back! You're no JORDAN! (haha okay that's pretty lame i know cause kobe is a different one, i know he has his own goodness) I just want to talk smack right now!