school, loathing and friends...

I'm kinda hating school again. Recitation is horrible. I thought it's gonna be the fun recitation, but it is the usual shit where everybody is killing for the grades. Unpleasant atmosphere. I swear. I prolly do not make sense here because recitation is indeed for you to get grades. But i want it more the "college" way you know not the gradeschool competition way. But does that kind of thing still exists? it seems like everything is a freakin competition anyway. The instructor is kinda scary though, i mean intimidating. She seems to correct everything. It is like you cannot even try or guess. You have to say the right thing in the first try because if not, she's gonna kill you anyway. But discussion a while ago was kinda fun, we ended up talking about pop culture to the matrix and all the sick shows on tv that we all love to watch but she hates it. Atleast she loves American Idol. heheh.

I have EXAMS this week. It is not really that hassle to review because i really do want to learn everything in both subjects. Haaay i am just scared about the result especially Intro to comm. I will reallly realy try my best to study well. Hope everything turns out right. If there's one thing i've learned the best in college, it's prolly that you can study and ace everything but still fail. One of the weirdest things in this school.

About my exams, it is also the reason why i cannot go to my highschool friends' beach getaway. I SWEAR I DO WANT TO GO! But i cannot. I tried explaining but THEY WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND unless they're from my school too. Sayang i really wanted to be with them and i want to go to the beach! I made up some counter excuses that it is also good i did not go haha to feel better somehow. Like confrontations, when you go see your highschool friends after a long time , you guys usually tell each other what is up and those shits and you know what I HATE THOSE! hahah makes me even more sad. I hate it and my highschool friends pa naman are those people na when they ask you something, before you even answer..they already concluded something in their minds kasi they know you or they are judging you already..what can you say anyway? you grew up with them and they won't change their minds anymore. I do not know if i am like that to them too? i think somehow i am but i wanna get that out of my system already. It is not fair and right.

That is where this friend of mine comes in. I SWEAR I MISS HER SO BAD. She's this extraordinary one that you'll prolly never ever encounter in your life again. I mean yes a lot of times we both do not know what we are talking about because we're both weird and different but it leads to perfection. I am always secure and happy when i'm with her. It was only when she left that i realized her true worth, not just the typical friends that i exchange book reviews and issued with everyday. The thing about her..is that out of all the people i have known....she is the only one who has never judge me. NEVER. I do not know she does inside but atleast i do not feel uncomfortable knowing that this bitch beside me, that i am always with thinks i am a goddamn bitch too. I KNOW SOME OF MY REAL GOOD FRIENDS THINKS SO. HAHAH I KNOW! But i don't take it against them, i am annoying, whiny and judgemental all the time. But she's just so different you know what i am sayin? I hope she's happy there with her family. I really hope she is because if there is someone in this world who deserves to have complete happiness, it is her. I miss you so much. You're a beautiful person. I am sorry i haven't talked to you for so long, i just do not have the time yet. Don't get me wrong. You're very special. If i don't take you are, i have probably spoked with you a long long time ago. But i want it to be good and great. When i don't have shits anymore so i can say good things to you, not my usual rants.