sadness and weirdness..

Patrick sent me this message and it was amazing how every bit of it is describing me and how i've been as a human being so far.

One day Plato asked his teacher "What is love?"

The teacher said "There is a wheat field ahead, go there and pick one leaf that you think is extraordinary and then go back." After a few minutes, Plato came back with an empty hand.

The teacher asked why. Plato said "On my way, i saw an extra ordinary leaf but i did not pick it because i might find another ahead, but as i found another, i realized that it was not as extra ordinary as the first, confused as i am, i ended up picking nothing."

Therefore never take love for granted for you will end up with nothing.

Ack. Okay that really made me get up early in the morning and i don't usually read text messages especially quotes but i do not know, maybe i am destined to read this and it got Plato in the very first so i think that pushed me to read it. You know how my geekyness sometimes hits. Anyway, yes i always end up with nothing. Nothing. People think i don't care at all but i really do. I just act too damn good to complain about it and it's my defense mechanism to always act like everthing is steady while it is slowly eating up my heart. Maybe that's how my sadness was born. People around me think i don't have problems at all but i know they pity me or think of me as something for some unknown reason. If only i can talk to everybody one on one and explain everything. But i guess you really just can't please everybody and the world will not change for me. So far i haven't been succesful in overcoming everything. When people ask me what is it anyway? honestly i do not know and that makes it even more sad. The fact that people know when they are gonna be happy or when they can be or when only will they be is something i always envy. I mean i try to find it as everyday pass although i may sometimes seem aloof and disinterested in almost everything . I don't accept people' s invitations even my closest friends. I do not like it but that's what i feel at that very moment. I just want to be alone and lock myself in and think of all the good things that is about to come. It's weird how i think of the good things in the future but i don't even exert a single effort in doing it. It is really weird how I turned out to be as a person. I am so strange sometimes i even amaze myself with my decisions and actions.