Regina said it

I hear in my mind.
All of these voices.
and it breaks my heart.
breaks my heart.

losing

Our hotel christmas ad that got the worst grade.



it was sad.

weirdness

People really change.
Like when you meet someone for the first time and you tell yourself how awesome he or she is and you're excited to build a special bond with him/her because you simply just love the way he/she is. You know the usual "Wow, she's cool!." "Wow I LOVE HER! SHE'S GAY." "oh i think we can be really friends in a long time." and you're really really excited to be enlightened by that person.You see in my 19 years of existence, that's what i have been doing. Observing and appreciating what will move me. As what doctor Izzie Stevens said in grey's anatomy..she's never been anything in her life but a watcher. I am a watcher. I meet this person, observe, verdict. Move on and watch again. It is just weird how everyone i have encountered and fell in love with lately change even like after 3 years? Yes even the most amazing ones that once made you believe that there is really luck and everyone is bound to be happy, err still change. I guess the world will not really change for me. All people have their moments and their actions will always be based on themselves. I think i've been like this too, i have failed most of the people that I've met who once thought i am someone they can cherish for the rest of their lives. Maybe we're just really like that. Well the last person who has never failed me left me and my whole barkada to go in a far far away place. Away from us without even telling us. One day she came back with the biggest smile and she's ugh..all married, happy and peaceful. It's sad because i have never really appreciated who she was during the time that we were together. She's always the weird one in our group like we will always laugh at what she was thinking or what she was going to do. One thing i realized after she left, that she's the only one who has never judged me. She's my Kwan in Amy Tan's the hundred secret senses and my one and only stargirl. Crap. I miss her so much. She's the complete opposite of this superficiality that i am experiencing right now. I am really just trying to survive everyday of my stupid little life. Like sometimes i'm in class then something would hit me, then i'll tell myself "what the hell am i doing here?" or those moments when i'm with the people that i hang out with then something would hit me again then ill tell myself "why the fuck am i with these people and what the hell are we doing?" i don't know maybe it is just me but whatever it is, i really just want something different. I want all the amazing people to stay the way they are till the moment they die, i don't ever want to see their changes. I want to feed this desire inside me that i can't seem to find. I've always thought that even if i tend to be judgmental, feisty, annoying and whiny, i still have the biggest heart in the world. That is something no one can take away from me. What i love, i love truly. I guess the problem really lies in the fact that there is nothing or no one worth loving in this world. People, they're really strange. Or maybe my standards are bottomless.I guess there is no really such thing as ENOUGH...the glass is indeed bottomless. In everything, all we always want is MORE.

Omg, i am horrible.

mindfuck

Mindfuck is a slang term which describes a work that uses literary devices such as nonlinear storytelling and plot twists in order to present convoluted yet nonconflicting themes.

One of the most well known examples of a mindfuck is FIGHT CLUB, one of my favorite works ever. ever.
I remember i used the term mindfuck before about this certain person, i remember texting my shorty "he mindfucked me!" several times. Now i realized what mindfuck truly is. So he did not really mindfuck me that time, he owned me. Just that time. I always get owned once in a while, i am that gullible and stupid.

Other notable examples of mindfuck are non other than the works that i breathed and loved such as A clockwork orange, being John Malkovich, Adaptation, Donnie Darko, Mulholland drive, Memento and the masterpiece requiem for a dream.

I want to be succesful in mindfucking people but when i try i always ended up looking dumb and STRANGE in a really bad way. I love men who's good in mindfucking. Michael Scofield in prison break can definitely mindfuck someone. Marcus Flutie too. I know this certain guy who can do it too, but he does not take a bath. So yeah.

i wanna get mindfucked, Mindfuck me!!!!

smashed. i am.

IMC has been owning me lately. TOO much presentation and documentary. Lots of frustration and patience. I am so smashed. I even have a print ad due after christmas break, that means i have to work during the break..and the media literacy documentary.. we have to kill that one..i swear. KILL.I feel so bad about my CAS subjects. I have sort of neglected them because of IMC. It's like my only subjects are my 2 majors and medieval literature! hahah i can't not be good there. I breathe lit. Hahah I LOVE LOVE THAT CLASS! i swear, it's love. Hahah *wink*

Just attended the IMC christmas break. It was fun. FOOOD trip with my SCL!!! i love SCL! we are all gay! hahah we presented 3 spoof video commercials. They love it but offcourse the seniors won. It was fun. Competition galore.

i am so tired. i chose this. Hahahah. die.

The last of the mohicans

This is probably one of the MOST INTENSE scene i've ever seen in a movie. I can't stop watching it. I've played it 12 times now.I can watch this like once everyday. It's so beautiful. Everything in here is perfect. The action, situation, the setting, the music and the story. I love love this movie. I remember i was a little girl when my mom and dad watched this and i still do not care much that time but i was just in the corner watching with them though i could not really understand everything yet but i remember this particular scene. It was so real that i carried it within me until now.

Yes. I remember this so much. The "I will find you" scene has been a part of my dreams. I was a little girl. It's a love story.

This movie is love.

Tim Duncan

I'm so pissed.

Okay, i get so EMOTIONAL when i talk about TIM DUNCAN or anything regarding him. I respect the man so much that any kind of stupidity associated with him makes me wanna effin shoot someone. I swear.

Duncan>Garnett!!!!! Ok???

Let us stop comparing them because it is effin clear! This was debateable a long long time ago but now, it is not even a question! Tim Duncan clearly OWNS Kevin Garnett! Come on, a TRUE basketball fan would know this. A TRUE basketball and Kevin Garnett fan would know this. Don't even give me the "Duncan had a better supporting cast than KG" crap. Duncan made THAT team. He made that team better. Yes, Tony, Manu and the other spurs were talented but TD made them more effective. Put TD away and that team would be different. Put KG in that team and it would not even be the same! It's more than Duncan's consistensy and fundamental skills! It is who he is as a human being! He creates so much in that team that his statistics would not even give justice to what he has done for that team! Do you think the spurs would have been that succesful and effective if their star player were some statistics whore who does not care about anything but being the number one player in that league, mvp or the leading scorer? that team has been so smooth and steady in the last few years and TD played a major role on that. It's not generally his "basketball skills", it is his spirit and attitude that everybody in that team respects! The SA spurs knows who TD is, he is not your usual showtime player and his teammates respect that! He is a role model and his team believed in him! How he behaves, how he deals with things, how he thinks and they all follow him because they respect and believed in him! You notice how succesful that franchise had been? their players do not get in trouble off the court, they all listen to coach Pop, they're very organized. TD reflects what his team is! His spirit and attitude has spread out in that entire team!

and it's not like KG's supporting cast were that BAD! He had spree, hudson, wally, cassell etc. come on you could have done something with that other than the usual first round exits and a one time stint in the WCF. and maybe the twolves had been more succesful if they had more CAP SPACE that has always been entirely eaten by KG's FAT SALARY! TD has been an underpaid player half his career, considering what he has done for that team. But he does not care because TD wants nothing but to WIN! He played that game TO WIN!

Others play to get triple double, to be on the highlight reel, to be the scoring champ, be the mvp but TD plays TO WIN! When you play to win, EVERYTHING ELSE FOLLOWS! TD played to win and so he got his mvp, and won the championship! Those individual achievements like the MVP would be so much easy if you play to win because it will eventually come without you trying so hard to get it.

I'm no KG hater. I respect the man's unbelievable talent but i am just trying to lay in what should be to shut up those idiots who still cannot accept that unless KG jumps on another Super star's tail, he will be ringless for the rest of his career and because TD deserved it! Yes, i hate kobe bryant like hell but he is definitely better than tracy mcgrady, the man who i wanted to marry since high school ok? let's think out of the box here, Charles Barkley knows, Jason Kidd knows, you all know it. If you really do know your basketball, it is clear. Duncan>Garnett.

and since we're comparing here, let's quote what Rosen had said:

"Garnett , like webber, are like the coward lion
they'd be monsters if they only had a heart!

Did not the twolves want to trade KG or he demanded it? I heard that the management is tired of their usual first round exit and wanted to revamp and the first thing they need to do is get a big cap to create a team so they wanted to trade KG and his fat salary. TD would never demand a trade nor would the Spurs ever think of trading him. He will retire in that team.

As for the haters? TD does not care! okay? keep on bashing while he'll keep on winning!!!!

Maygad, i don't even have to explain it this long, all intelligent and real basketball fans know the answer and still what i have written up there still does not explain TD's greatness.

getting dazer and even more confused...heheh

I'm getting old.
I enrolled for this coming semester and i'm now in my last few months of being a college junior. Shit i am still so immature and short. lol. it's like the world is slowly progressing and i'm still the same little girl in high school who hated a lot of things and a lot of people. Hahah. I can't believe my days as a schoolgirl is slowly declining. Just a few more days and nights..wow and i'm still clueless about what i am going to be as i have been the first day i stepped into that university. Amazing.


ONLINE ENLISTMENT. that word has been synonymous to stress, 3 long ass term papers and 5 midterm exams. The stress and anger(lol) we get, every time this happens is just that horrible. I do not even want to talk about it because it would not change anyway. But really, it really does give pain to students. Another bulok na systema as to our class scheds.. always bulok and last resort..dahil ayaw ma delay.

I watched THE PRESTIGE with kit and sara a while ago. I 've been dying to see that. I loved every minute of it. The twist and turns plus Christian bale and Scarlett's hotness. It was so fun figuring things out though some were obvious but the Fallon/twist definitely i did not see coming. LOL dumbness? hahah watch it. I swear CHRISTIAN BALE IS SEX!

Not doing something.
Sometimes you don't understand why it's already in front of you, you know the problem and you still cannot do something. I do not know, it's something i've been encountering lately like i can see the problem clearly and i know what to do but i just can't do something. I really wanted to fix it because i'm always honest when it comes to things like that. I don't negotiate or what even if i'm left out or something. Basta sa tingin ko eto, eto yun. Alam ko gagawin ko kaya nakakinis pag minamaliit ka lang sa ganun bagay. I always try to analyze and observe things around me, kaya nga palagi akong sad dahil kahit di ko dilemma, kinukuha ko na cause i'm easily bothered like that. i want to correct things and understand why it is like this or like that. Kaya nakakainis pag parang iniisip na ganito ka kahit na pinapakita mong hindi. Alam mo yun? like kung ano sinasabi mo at pinapakita mo yun yun. I've always been frank and outspoken my whole life, that is something na hindi ko na maalis sa sarili ko. I've gotten in trouble a lot of times because of it but it is who i am and i cannot control it. I just have low tolerance for a lot of things. that is why in things like this or whatever you might encounter, isa lang naman gusto ko. People of the world, minsan mag-isip naman kayo. As in isip ha hindi yung may halong biases or what yung tipng hindi square at one sided. May dahilan kung bakit ganito ang isang bagay o pangyayari at ang pagtrato dun ay tignan mo lahat ng angle at pag may nakita ko, ayusin mo. May dahilan kung bakit ganito ang taong ito. Sabi nga diba, be kind because everyone you will ever meet is fighting a hard battle. Do not underestimate people. Kung minsan kahit na alam mong ikaw ung talagang talo, isipin mo paren baket ganito ung nangyari kasi ung iba ren natatalo sa ibang bagay. Minsan parang ikaw yung talo pero baket ganito ka nila tratuhin yan ay dahil talo rin siguro sila sa ibang bagay kaya hindi ka nila maintindihan. The world will not change for you. I always tell that to myself when i think that i am being unfair and close minded. Hindi lang ako ang nagsusuffer lahat may sariling battle kaya intindihin mo bakit ganito sila mag isip at magdesisyon. It's a matter of looking at things and weighing things out then finally deciding on what to think and what you are going to do kahit na ang result ng pagobserve mo ay parehong sabog at panget, ganun talaga. Just give all angle, things and people a chance then you decide kung ano iisipin mo. Ang resulta ng desisyon na iyon ay minsan mabuti pero kadalasan ay hindi. Reality bites. Basta give people a chance. Pwede kang magkamali pero try lang ng try. Sabi nga ni meredith grey, "Once in a while, once in a blue moon people will surprise you, and once in a while people may even take your breath away."


I've always been real about my feelings and the things that i see around me that's why i've always been sad. but you know, people don't notice that because i talk TOO much. LoL. But i've really always been true about my decisions and feelings and i am often mean too but still i am a good person and i have one of the biggest hearts in the world. That is something you cannot take away from me. Sabihin ng panget, weird, baduy at bobo ako pero hindi pwedeng kwestyunin ang aking heart hahah..seriously..my basketballers and footballers can relate to that but really, i am. If you just pause and take a look sometimes, you might actually see it.

school's out

This sem officially over.
IMC is testing me badly.
We won our final pitch for product repositioning. Work and all the pain paid off. Extraderm for men. hahha i love love my marketing management class. I love Ms. Shirin
if only all my IMC classes in the future would be like hers.. then i think this is the one for me. hahah i have learned so much from her and this class and it was never boring except for its time.. 9am? hahha maximizing my cuts. boo. but I am so scared of my grades. please.

I watched the departed with sara, jox and nik.. loved every minute. Matt Damon is love. I love that actor. We pigged out. i love pigging out with my shorty and talking to these people.
I am broke heheh and there's no allowance for about a month. I think i'm gonna BAWI MY SLEEP. shett i know there's no such thing but i want to sleep and forget all the pain and horrible people i have dealt with especially in the past weeks.

Now i want my tv shows.
I'm gonna start my driving lessons soon too. I NEEED THIS ONE BADLY. It will change my life big time. I SWEAR.
I want to do boxing too. yeah.

School is schooling me big time. Notice how it is dictating my life? i swear it is something i cannot control and i hate hate it. And so i decided i will never pursue law. no way.

You scored as English. You should be an English major! Your passion lies in writing and expressing yourself creatively, and you hate it when you are inhibited from doing so. Pursue that interest of yours! English 100% Sociology 100% Linguistics 92% Philosophy 83% Journalism 83% Psychology 83% Theater 58% Art 58% Dance 42% Anthropology 42% Mathematics 33% Biology 17% Chemistry 8% Engineering 0% What is your Perfect Major? (PLEASE RATE ME!!<3) created with QuizFarm.com

Kyle is back! i love him.

It's finals week and i am dying. I need to finish a lot of stuff and issues.I feel so sad and worried about his certain thing. Please.

I can't wait to feed myself with prison break season 2, lost and grey's anatomy season 3! entourage too and my long overdued sex and the city marathon! shett i love this season's survivor... they have two pinoy's and they're amazing! hahah these things keep me steady this days! maygad! i also can't wait to see Gael's new film.. THE SCIENCE OF SLEEP directed my Gondry. I always get sentimental when i see the trailer. Come on, title pa lang, killer na. Scarlett has a lot of really good upcoming films too..dammn i love that woman.

I'm a geek. I love radiohead. Last time there was no electricity for three days straight in here and i read 2 novels per night with nothing but a flashlight. I am gay too. There's this mexican guy named ozzy, he likes groundation and otis redding. That's cute right?

My mother gives me so much pain and i don't even want to give too much details because its' getting so redundant. I need money.

i miss kyle and thom yorke

I MISS KYLE AND THOM YORKE...

I tried to revive Kyle today but he just gave up on me..and Sam said that i have to replace his life power or just buy a new one becaue it would be better..i don't want to replace him.. i love love him. his greenness and my play lists..i miss it.. i realized how i really cannot live without my music.. NO MUSIC NO LIFE! I know it is true because that is what i am feeling right now.. i just came to a gig in school and now i'm in a music state of mind ( lagi naman eh:P), i miss Kyle so much.. I WANT MY RADIOHEAD FIX! I HAVE TO HAVE THAT ATLEAST EVERY NIGHT!

I swear to God...they are one of the best things in this world..one of the best bands ever! ever! Thom Yorke is my mind twin. I think everybody should atleast have ten radiohead songs in their list or else they are missing so much... hahah and if you only know "CREEP" screw you! hahah to tell you, they hate that song! Someone said that if you say that to them, they will be embassed hahah! They are my shrink and crazy pills! They are always on my side!

My radiohead top fix includes high and dry, thinking about you, how to disappear completely, my iron lung, fake plastic trees, karma police, motion picture soundtrack...... oh maygad
i badly miss Kyle and Thom Yorke.

" i don't care if it hurts"

I was just talking to kamy about split second sadness then she said it is attacking her..i told her to run...then that man..it is back! i swear that man will be the death of me! You know when i think of the word DREAM MAN...my mind prints it and it is him! all the darkness, wit and sadness in him. I swear to god i am going to Canada! I will die..i thought i was gonna have a cardiac arrest a while ago.. then it's gone...canada okay? then i grabbed Kyle..my ipod and turned it on then shitttt it does not want to.. HE DIED. died permanently on me. Even Kyle hates me because i'm whiny and abusive..too complicated..
I lost many things today.

worlds' greatest

I am watching an Efren Bata Reyes marathon on his way to owning the world pool 8ball ust a few days ago.
I love watching him.
He reminds me of my dad.
The smile, the aura, the moves, the sillyness.
My dad loves Efren.
I love efren.
He is my dad.
Hahah.

i wanna repair your desire

this is it. I knew it. this is just it. What do we love? pain. I want this.

Four: i love this game, writing, emotions, soul searching, hopeless romantic, athlete, determined, real, sadness, heart

moment

One: football, politics, extreme sports, nature, middle east, basketball, fugliness, gigs, charisma
Two: Guitar, blank stares, black, writing, thrash talking, theater, weirdness, outcast, smart
Three: math geek, hideous clothes, economics, fierce eyes, the F you walk, anime, loser, live in

all the weird things in life. Got it. Here comes the pain.

today

Love
is an act of forgiveness, that for all our imperfections, we are accepted and forgiven.
is about finding courage inside of you, that you did not even know was there.
is a song we sing to those who have forgotten who they are.

desire

A while ago i was talking to my mother when suddenly i wanted to tell her something but i could not AGAIN for the nth time. So i started crying again. Whenever i can't say something to someone or i can't let it out even if it's just saying that you need to get this or just to ask something, no matter how shallow the thing is. If i don't get to say it.. I CRY. It is like an outlet, i don't know and the number of times that i cry goes exactly into my heart forming that sadness that would turn into dreams. Sometimes i feel bad for myself. If i were on the shoes of others and i know someone like ME , i swear my heart will die for that person. I just want to sleep in that cold tiny apartment with my quiet and goofy boy next door who does NOT go clubbing and listen to dugshh dugshh music and we will watch our ball games on late night tv while pigging out on pizza and ice cream and discussing work. GAY!

the devil wears prada

OMG I EFFFIN LOVE THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA!

I haven't read the book yet but the movie was fantabulous!!!!! MERYL STREEP WAS A GODDESS!!! SHE WAS SO GOOD!!!!!!!! I love everything in it! how they put it in that little piece! Newyork, paris, the advertising world (hahah future?), the powertripping(i better get used to this!), the bitches, the clothess and shoesssssss!!!!! heaven! maygad now I DONT WANT TO EAT! maygad!!!! Watching the film made me think of my future like if ever i work in there basta that world ung publishing, copywriting, advertising, magazines! Is it gonna be like that??? i can't work in an environment like that! I HAVE THE BIGGEST HEART IN THE WORLD! I swear I DO! Hindi lang halata! and i cannot take that! mga ganun happening in front of my eyes! i can't keep my mouth and my heart shut! i feel! shett naiyak ako sa ending! hehe GAY!

EMILY BLUNT!
I LOVE THIS BITCH!

"YOU CAN'T GO TO PARIS! YOU EAT CARBS!"

"GUYS, GIRD YOUR LOINS!"

"i'm on this new diet where i don't eat anything and when i feel like i'm about to faint, i eat a cube of cheese."


ADRIAN GRENIER! LIVE IN TAYO!

ohmaygad! i used to have this really HUGE CRUSH ON HIM! He's really a dream boy! he has this boy next door looks that i only realized I FUCKIN WANT IN A MAN! Shit if u watch the movie, i like the set up of Anne hathaway and Grenier.. ung live in sila but Grenier was so different..parang LALAKE talaga in a sense na he's not the guy who goes to clubs and listens to DUGSH DUGSH MUSIC! EEW!!! eew! maygad i hate those guys! DIE! shit Adrian Grenier!!

I realized how that would make me peaceful! yung working in a job that you really like and you are having fun tapos you live together with that guy who's so different and beautiful that has no superficiality. Maygad that alone will make me really happy! please! All you need in life to survive is one person who truly loves you!

my nerves

Ayoko sa lahat INUUTUSAN AKO! Yung sasabihin ganito na lang wag na yan biglaan hindi man lang ako tinatanong! bwiset! at mga taong hindi nagiisip! anobah mag isip ka naman minsan kahit 1sang segundo lang sa buhay mo! nakakabuti din yun noh!